How to Be Happy in a Relationship Part 1 (Finding the Right Person)

Relationships require a lot of work and dedication, and one would be hard-pressed to find one that didn’t include arguments and misunderstandings. However, it is still possible to build long and happy relationships with patience and dedication, even if it may seem like the love has faded.

Part 1: Finding the Right Person

1.  Get out of bad relationships immediately. A large percentage of relationships are doomed from the start, and staying in a bad relationship only wastes time. If things begin falling apart too soon, it is best to end the relationship instead of sticking around in hopes that things will change. Common signs of bad relationships include:

·     Feeling the need to change to make the other person happy. "If you edit what you say before you say it and constantly monitor how you come across because you feel like your partner is grading you, it might be time to let the relationship go.

·     Defending your significant other to friends and family. According to author and psychotherapist M. Gary Neuman, "Not everyone is going to like your boyfriend or girlfriend as much as you do. But it should worry you if there's a general consensus among family and friends that your new love is entirely wrong for you.

·     Constant criticism from your partner

·     Wondering what your partner did when he/she is away

·     Feeling worse about yourself since you began dating your partner

·     Your partner is dismissive of your feelings

2.     Develop realistic relationship expectations. Avoid placing unrealistic expectations on you and your partner such as:

· Expecting your partner to know what you want or how you feel without telling him/her. Commonly, "people want their partners to “mind read”, which can often take the form of, I don’t want to have to tell her what I want. She should already know. Expecting your feelings to override those of your partner, i.e. expecting your partner to stop pursuing their interests simply because it causes you grief.

· Getting angry at your partner for finding others attractive. The part of our brains that finds other humans sexually and romantically appealing doesn’t die off when we commit to someone.

· Convincing yourself that the relationship is doomed no matter what and that the two of you won't find happiness.

· Believing that the road to happiness does not require a lot of work

3.     See your partner for what they are, not their potential. One of the biggest relationship pitfalls is assuming that your partner knows or should know how you feel. You may become frustrated if your partner forgets special occasions or does not react how you would expect him/her to during certain situations. Instead of placing high expectations on the other person for your happiness, appreciate who they are and be surprised when they are on the same page as you instead of expecting it.

· According to blogger Melissa Dawn Lieberman: You really can't assume that your spouse knows how you feel or what you want. You don't share the same feelings, worldviews, or thoughts. You might notice the dishes in the sink or remember that the kids haven't done their homework yet, but he might not. When in doubt, say it out loud.

4.     Appreciate your partner, but do not spoil him/her. When you love someone, it is easy to do anything in your power to make him/her stay, even if it means breaking your own principles. Do not lose yourself trying to make the other person happy. If something impresses you, let your partner know; If something angers you, address it in a constructive manner. Loving another should not undermine who you are.

5.     Find someone with similar ideals. Partners do not have to have an identical view of the world, but sharing opinions on important global topics can make for a better match. This holds especially true when dealing with gender issues such as feminism.